Benjamin Bloom is based on the true crimes, born in the sick mind of Alex Gansa (screenwriter and producer of the TV series HOMELAND), which happened to the artist HP Trauschke during his work on Seven from Heaven. Alex Gansa hacked himself into HP Trauschke’s privacy stole his artwork and influenced his social media and email traffic. Based on such crimes, Alex Gansa writes his screenplays.
To defend and save himself, HP Trauschke created and played the art figure Benjamin Bloom and wrote over 3 years an art-dairy.
This is Book I.
As Benjamin woke up and smelled the rain, he knew the time has come to cool down his hot flesh and transform the rain drops in white steam in which he will cook his enemies skin. “Tolle, your time is over! The game is mine now! Fear the day and execrate the night. You have no idea how much pain you will feel when I peel slowly your skin off your depraved flesh, steam it and let you eat it. You have no idea how much pain you will enjoy when I cut 10 ounce of flesh out of your body for each time you raped the Mexican girl. You will execrate the day you met her and started your abuse.“
Benjamin knew that they don’t know what they do. But was that an excuse? He was sure that they could know and for sure some of them had a hunch. For these there was no excuse and his punishment needed to take place. For weeks he prepared everything, hired the weirdest people he ever met to fulfill his vengeance. There was no other way for Benjamin to make sure that these people never do again what they did. They needed to face their deeds and find in torture the end of their worthless life. Benjamin was silent like never before. He walked, like he ever did, his way through the city, with a loving smile on his face. When he passed the mirrors of these buildings he walked through, he almost did not recognize himself, stopped for a moment and tried to find the loving man he is. Yes he was still there, but the warrior took over and he knew there were no rules anymore. His enemies thought him that they don’t fight like men but like cowards and there was no other way for him, than to change his way to fight and have no mercy anymore. These animals needed to be vanished!
Benjamin couldn’t belief how cheap a life is and as more he ordered as cheaper they became. His contract killers called it quantity discount and it seemed to make them proud to deal with a life like others do with apples. During the discussion with Igor, he came from Chechenia and was famous for his torture technics, Benjamin had the idea to film the procedure and produce snuff movies. Igor was so fascinated by the idea to become a movie star that he offered Benjamin to do the jobs for free. The idea to torture a super star and film the scene was putting him in a delirium and his laughing sounded like the crying of rats when you burn their eyes with glowing steel.
Benjamin was satisfied, the game changed and with Igor it was out of his own hands. He just delivered the names, a picture and wrote the treatment for the final shooting. Igor was happy like a little child, saw himself already as a future movie star and his ideas for the films were astonishing. There was nothing that could stop him anymore. His childhood dreams will come true. Being with a music star in the same room and torture him during he played his music opened his mind for the absurdest ideas and he couldn’t wait to let them become reality.
Igor was the perfect partner for Benjamin, he had a worldwide network of warriors and there were no places anymore where his enemies could be safe. Once again it paid out that Benjamin never made a difference between humans. Everyone, as long as he behaved as such, got the same respect and trust from him. Igor felt that and treated Benjamin from the very beginning like a brother and the fact that Benjamin could stand a bottle of vodka gave him the respect of all others and they started immediately to discuss the shooting. Benjamin wanted that his victims knew what to expect and they should have enough time to familiarize themselves with the impending fate. They should know that there is nothing more, than Benjamin himself, that could stop Igor and his friends, because they were already drunk by the thought that they’d be future movie stars.
Mozart’s Requiem was now almost the only music that Benjamin was listening to. His above all beloved Mozart appeared more than appropriate as the background for the most horrendous pain once could think about, because he composed the Requiem in the face of his own impending death. The same force, that killed Mozart and now took place in Benjamin’s victims, will now face Mozart’s heavenly symphony and take its last breath. What an irony of history!
Mozart’s requiem gave the horror a heavenly beauty and Benjamin the necessary calm and warming iciness, which was now necessary. His steps slowed down when he walked through the town. Like in slow motion, the torture of his victims in front of his eyes, the requiem in his head, he forgot everything around him. He was remarkable quite, smoked a Romeo and Juliette that reminded him on his beloved Shakespeare which became now part of his treatments.
Latin, in which the Requiem is sung, appeared Benjamin like the call of his ancestors. A forgotten language from another galaxy. It hit Benjamin in the middle of his heart and he decided to learn the language to write his treatments in Latin and introduce his future victims their suffering in a heavenly language, that they may not understand, but should feel with all its beautiful might.
Sometime when he walked through the stone canyons that meandered through New York like brain connections, Benjamin thought of the girl that once claimed to love him and which was the source of his sinister adventure. He remembered her fright when he surprisingly showed up at her playground. He remembered her absurd acting that should tell him that she actually don’t know him and that she has nothing to do with all the crimes that where done against him. He forgot already how she looked like and it felt like a salt lake that lost overnight all its water and there was nothing left than a golden shining crystal desert and the abominable false sound of Mozart.
With the requiem in its head it was like all the artists, that once became victims of the merciless force, others call God, took place in Benjamin’s mind and asked him to finally find a way to cut the strings, that fed that force. Benjamin was sure that he was on the right track, he was sure that he’ll be strong and clear enough to end the blood sucking existence of the might that actually was the mother but lived on the desperation of that loving life. His knowledge about it has taken place in our world and there was nothing that could stop it anymore because information can’t get lost! It was a question of time and Benjamin was now the master of that time. He could go back and forth, slow it down or make it faster and even stop it.
Benjamin didn’t sleep well, he felt that there was something wrong and at 3am he stud up and made himself some coffee and finished some pictures he did at an exhibition to send them to the artist. When he opened his device he could see why he couldn’t sleep. His friend Jim, that was eleven years ago witness, when the Mexican girl talked about her rapist, was dead! Benjamin had no doubt who’s responsible for Jim’s dead. Jim had a weak heart and it was easy for his murders to put him under stress. Jim wanted to meet with Benjamin weeks ago, after Benjamin survived a hunt from his enemies and give him evidence who’s behind that hunt, that lasts already for 9 month. But Benjamin was already on its way to NY to meet the girl with which his own disaster begun. Mozart’s requiem, that Benjamin was listen to, resounded now for Jim, the first dead victim of Benjamin’s enemies and he felt like he’s standing in blood up to his breast.
It was clear, Jim’s death should be a warning to all the others that planed to contact Benjamin and to show them, that they can even go away with killing people! No wonder! Benjamin saw it with his own eyes that not only the police were involved in this case, no, there were doctors, lawyers, groups of Mexicans, young people that believed to fight for justice, self-proclaimed professors from NY, a male whore from the Caribbean Sea that fucked also with Italian female whores, a drug dealer that called himself artist and already killed his friend Andy, camera mans, a grey Mexican cow that believed he’s a White Buffalo, crystal meth dealers that provided half LA with there shit, self publishing writers that used Benjamin’s story for their books, famous musicians that made LP’s based on Benjamin’s love story to the pianist and even former friends of Benjamin! But now all of them had blood on their hands and nothing could wash that away! Benjamin contacted Igor to deliver all their names and pictures. They had a good system to contact each other by putting notices in trash cans all over NY. So there was no need anymore to meet before the final shooting of the movies will start. If Benjamin would not deliver the news each day, was it a sign for Igor that he had free hands to act from now on! And Igor was hot. He wanted to start the shooting better now, than waiting until all the pants of Benjamin’s enemies were full of golden shit.
It was one of Benjamin’s saddest days ever. He felt responsible for Jim’s death since it was his story that killed Jim, who only wanted to help Benjamin and deliver him the facts about the “Elephants in the Glasshouse” that were the source of the hunt against Benjamin. Jim was witness from the very beginning 11 years ago and he knew the case as good as Benjamin himself. It was clear, now there was no way back anymore and the whole network of criminals around the Glasshouse Elephants needed to witness their fate as Benjamin planed it. He left Igor a message that he has free hand if he don’t hear from him more than 24 hours and can begin his craft. Benjamin wrote his treatments for each of the enemies as fast as possible and left them in the trash cans around NY. Igor knew now, his hunt can start and they wanted to start with the self-proclaimed professor that looked and sounded like on crystal meth in his videos! He was the guy that had the knowledge the Elephants used to start their crimes. Now it was on the junkie to view his fate.
Benjamin felt lost. He came to NY to find answers but all he got was emptiness and silence and his movement in this emptiness gave him the repeated awareness of his enemies, and Jim’s death stole him all the mercy he had and let him no other way than to start his revenge. He couldn’t even think about a way out for his enemies anymore. He wanted to see them feeling all the pain they brought into this world. He wanted to see them on the ground of their existence that they once sold to the force to get whatever they have. All of them betrayed everybody around them, they took advantage of all and everybody and were running around talking about love, meanwhile all their deeds produced pain and desperation and to follow rules was in their mind something for losers. Love was not the answer by dealing with them. It needed to be set an example. They needed to know once and forever that they can’t get away by betraying mankind. Igor already observed the junky professor, prepared the set and waited for the moment to get him. Benjamin’s treatment was clear. He wanted to let him know that he’s the first and that there’s no way to hide. He should get what he did to Benjamin. High Voltage and on top some mid evil specialities from Igor. The hunt was opened!
Igor was not happy that Benjamin made everything public and published it in social networks and told him that it make his work unnecessary more difficult than it would be by handling the case in secret. But Benjamin wanted exactly that! He wanted that everybody could know what’s gonna be happen and that his enemies were informed about their fate. He wanted to let them know that they were trapped and that they’ll have no chance to run away! He wanted to let them know and feel the trap before it finally close. What could they do? Nothing! The moment they run to the police they will proof everything they did to Benjamin and accuse themselves and he let Igor know about that fact. Benjamin felt their desperation and it made him laugh. Nothing they would do from now on would help them, everything would make their situation even worse. These play offs where exactly according to the taste of Benjamin. All they had left was hope and prayers to the force that was now in charge.
Mozart’s Requiem sounded again for Benjamin’s enemies that were very irritated and started to blame each other that this game went out of control. Who is Igor? Why do they don’t have any information about him. What did they miss. Wildly they tried to find the missing point. Some of them called it a fake but didn’t have any proof for their hope. They needed to find evidence otherwise there was no secure minute anymore. They never faced the warrior in Benjamin since he always showed mercy, even in the worst moments for himself. But the death of James changed his state of mind forever. He became again the warrior as which he grew up and which let him fight groups of people at the same time and never showed that he feels pain when he got hit. He was able to destroy 3 bigger people then himself at the same time and one straight hit from him mostly was the end of his opponents. He didn’t look like a fighter and everyone underestimated him and still thought they will have a chance even when they where already on their knees. But Benjamin couldn’t stop himself before his opponents where almost dead. When somebody touched him, it was clear that this will be the last time he ever will touch anybody, because Benjamin gave him the final lesson. He wanted to hear the other begging that he stops and then, when he had a good day, he asked them if they learned the lesson and they better answered with a clear “YES”!
Benjamin walked a lot through the town and its eyes saw things they never saw before, although he saw these things a hundred times before. Everything was new and he felt like a new man. He thought about the girl that was his other him and the day he met her. She once told him, that until the day they will meet, he can find her in every other woman and in fact he did, but the day he met her she wasn’t there. He looked in her eyes and couldn’t find her. There was an almost empty body staying in front of him with dead eyes, selfish words, arrogant habits and meaningless actions. What happened to her? Where did she disappear and who was that dark soul that took place in her beautiful body. He thought about that night and it made him feel like something in himself, that he loved like nothing else, was dying in front of him and he couldn’t help. He remembered their first night when she came to him and asked to go over to NY and how fast things went at that night that changed his life forever. She was like clay in his hands that don’t even touched her. She was out of control, lost her mind and became pure feeling. They flew through the universe, loved each other’s on moon, visited Mozart in his bedroom and watched him playing music on his wife’s body. They went back in time to her own birth and finally visited the light field that showed up as the reason for the desperation of mankind. The force we call God, was using us, like little power plants, for its own existence! God and Evil where one and throughout the separation able to play, betray and abuse us. Benjamin was sure, his other him sold herself to that force but he also was sure she was a victim of someone that forced her to do so. Her first famous teacher, supporter and conductor, “Claudioso Appatto”!
Benjamin wasn’t sure what role the girl played in his adventures. She was the reason that he was able to travel through time and space, that he could go back to the very beginning, before the Big Bang, where the two forces movement and consciousness created an infinite 2 dimensional field, that became the creator of the Big Bang and our universe. The field couldn’t create energy in 2 dimensions and concentrated all its information on one point where an overlap produced the Big Bang and the possibility to create energy in that now existing 3rd dimension and deliver it to the field including all informations that were created in our universe. The field was the collector of all these informations and saw the 3 dimensional universe at its property including the life that erased in it and since there is no emotion possible in 2 dimensions it never showed any mercy when it transformed complete galaxies into pure energy. Benjamin wasn’t sure if the girl knew about it but all his equations let him no other possibility than that she must know what’s going on. But for what reason she lead Benjamin to this world when she denied to even know him when they met. And why did she let him feel her that she’s close to him when she on the other hand didn’t wanted to unite with him and let him fight all his enemies, that once sold themselves to the field, alone and without any support except Igor and his friends. She gave some concerts in Carnegie Hall this weekend but he couldn’t go. He couldn’t see and listen to her, being so close to her and at the same time as far away from her as the Galaxy Pleiades from the Galaxy California.
Benjamin was sad, weeks ago he traveled for days from the west to the east coast just to see her and listen to her music, that was, even before he knew her, the source of his movement. Now she was no 10 minutes away and further away than ever. He walked through Central Park and the rain felt like little diamonds that hit his head and it’s still open wound from the hunt he luckily survived. He felt her so deep, heard here asking him to come and see the concert, listen to the sound he’s moving on and probably understand why she can’t meet him. “Why can’t she meet?” was the question that turned his head upside down and back since month. “Why can’t she meet?!” He went over to Carnegie Hall walked around the building and it felt like she became again part of him. His heart was her heart, his blood her blood and his brain hers! He went to the box office, bought a ticket and went in, without any chance to defend cause she made him doing it. He was under her absolute control.
Benjamin was stunned when she walked on stage. The diamonds that just hit his head and wound, were now her magnificent dress and she glittered like the night sky in a golden dessert. Her first view into the audience was right into his eyes and the blink of an eye felt like a century until she turned her head back to her noble instrument. He forgot everything around him, became the music she played and felt her heart beating in the rhythm of its own. Each tone resounded like his and her deepest love. For the felt infinite time of the concert they were unite again, just like at the very beginning when they traveled through time and space. He couldn’t think anymore, became pure emotion, loved her, left after the last tone, walked through town, listened to her playlist that she setup after their first night, tried to find a target to go, got lost between the skyscrapers on which he planned to let his Angels fly, looked into the infinite sky that showed up between the enlightened clouds that somehow looked like single continents which unite then as the supercontinent Pangaea, that broke apart again to show Benjamin its target. The Pleiades, also known as the Seven Sisters.
Hours after the concert Benjamin found at last his way home where his brain slowly started to work again and tried to find answers for the thousand questions that showed up in the last lost hours. Beside the thousand answer he found in the past, that never seemed to be the complete truth, were all of a sudden another thousand half answers that he couldn’t think to their end. She was still in him and gave him some warmth that he was deeply in need for, but he was unable to talk to her, so he just enjoyed her and the evolved senses he always had when she was him and he her. He went to bed closed his eyes, listened to the polka that his neighbors were listening and singing to, pleased her to stay in his body over night, closed his eyes, slept in and flew with her through the universe.
When Benjamin woke up he had a huge erection and she was riding him. He closed his eyes again, enjoyed her ride, her warmth and love, until she was satisfied and left him. He stud up, took a shower, made some breakfast, checked his devices and saw that he forgot to contact Igor last night and the 24 hours were over, that meant Igor could do whatever there is to do! He immediately called him from his third phone, that was secure, cause nobody had the number and could relate it to Benjamin. Igor was happy to hear Benjamin’s voice and told him that he was planing to start today his craft. Benjamin stopped him, told him about last night and that there’s still time. He didn’t had the feeling that his enemies really believed what their fate will be and asked Igor to give them some signs, film them, leave notes, follow them, just make sure that they watch behind their shoulder the moment they leave the house. Igor liked that idea, he had already a huge team together and they were all over the place. Some of his friends over in LA were so exited about the ideas that they started to buy costumes in witch they wanted to do the shooting. They had informations about all the victims in fake town and a lot to do. But everything was going well. London was set up, LA was already working, Berlin started to build the team and NY was ready to shoot the films. Benjamin was happy, Igor was happy, it seemed everybody that was involved by now was happy. A real good Sunday and Benjamin went out with the little son of his landlord bought him a soccer and a basketball and they played for hours, had fun and laughed all day long, while the waters for his victims arose.
After that night Yasha tried permanently to get in contact to Benjamin’s spirit but he wasn’t willing to open up. He felt that there was something wrong. He had that feeling very often in the past when he was communicating with her and now he knew what it is. It’s not her, it’s the force that uses her to open Benjamin up for its mean actions. Yasha was under the control of the force, he knew that, but he didn’t really understood how the force works. The only thing he knew was that it’s his world and his rules and that the force can only take influence when he let his mind thinking that way. The force, what we also call God, separated the world in good and evil and throughout this separation we became victims of the force. Everything was about thinking. “I think so I am!” For Benjamin, that not only meant that thinking was the proof of his existence, it was rather the force he used to be what he is. A free man, able to do whatever he needed to do to change the world for the good. Benjamin knew from the very beginning that Yasha was its only weak point and that it was all about his project he was working on since 11 years and which was the only vision he ever had since he was into the arts. Until then he had a theme and out of that content erased the form. Here he had a picture and no idea what the content is. Now he knew!
Benjamin knew what the force is all about, but he still had difficulties to recognize if Yasha or the force is contacting him. It was clear that throughout his contact she was able to reach a tone that she hasn’t before. Her sound changed during the 10 month they were in contact enormously. It wasn’t about speed anymore, there was all of a sudden his deepest emotions to hear that he reached in his for decades lasting loneliness. Her Schumann on Saturday at Carnegie Hall was pure magic and the whole audience flew away. No question they were one spirit with all the power it have, but they were separated and it was all about to unite this spirit. The force did everything during the last month that this won’t happen and even tried to kill Benjamin after it was clear that he won’t give up to unite with his other half. He never really believed in a relationship with her because she was much younger and he couldn’t see that she would go that way. For him it wasn’t necessary to ever touch her but he wanted to make sure that the might, that they had together took place in our reality.
Benjamin’s loneliness reached a state the was worse than anything he experienced before, just like he got told from Mother Earth after he first met Yusha in San Francisco on its way back to LA, when he was sitting from sunset to sunrise at the beach on Route No 1. That night he first time came in contact to our mother which introduced him to the secrets of life. It was outstanding. Birds were sitting next to him, whales stopped on there travel from south to north and invited him to take place in one of them to show him the force of life and the reason why its infinite. Any being is able to take place in any other. We can be a whale, a mouse, a tree or an eagle, switch from one form into another, fly, swim, walk or jump like a kangaroo. There’s no limit in experience of the wonder of life. The moment he wrote that down he already felt much better. Forgotten the pain of being lonely, forgotten his separation for the bling of an eye, forgotten the last hours in which he tried to communicate to humans, that heard but seemed hasn’t a will to understand what he said. He was sitting on the river, listened to Led Zeppelin, the World Trade Center in front of his eyes that were filled with tears that felt better than ever. The moon was right over him and he wondered about the existence of that moon. We have 13 explanations how it came in place and none of them is right, but we also never really question that fact. The possibility that a moon is surrounding a planet and only shows one side is as less as the possibility of the existing of life. So we have two almost impossible situations and nobody cares how that could be. This moon couldn’t be part of our sun system at the time the supercontinent Pangaea took place. Tides wouldn’t have allowed such a situation, but as soon there is a moon that forces tides its logic that Pangaea breaks apart. “Where you come from, what are you doing, why we love you without knowing who you are?” He made a picture of him mirroring in the water and tried to translate.
NY was like paradise for Benjamin. Living next to Central Park, falling out of the bed and going for a run or just sitting there gave him all the satisfaction he usually found only in the woods. Last night Igor wrote him that the victims acted already just like Benjamin expected it. Especially the Los Angeles ones, where were the most, started to watch over there shoulders like the devil himself was after them. The gray cow, which still hopped he’s a white buffalo had its pants already full of cow shit and only went out when his girlfriend was next to him. What a pussy! He was always running around as if he’s riding a horse and now he couldn’t even come up on the horseback cause his pants were to heavy. Igor was setting up a website for Benjamin so he could see how his proud enemies became step by step the little suckers that they really are. “Read the signs on the wall”, became Benjamin’s favorite sentence. And they all were reading it, trying to find out what Benjamin knew and which one he detected and if themselves were part of it. Oh yes he did detect most of them and the ones that he hasn’t yet, where stupid enough to act like they were his new friends. How ridiculous! Benjamin was way to sensitive and could smell his enemies and victims wherever they showed up.
It was too funny how Benjamin’s victims started to act. The “Elephants of the Glasshouse” that were responsible for the whole story and stole for there stars Benjamin’s art knew how trapped they were and the one that’s also a rapist was full of his golden shit. They’ve build themselves a golden cage, surrounded by super stars and didn’t know anymore what to do. Benjamin had evidence for all their deeds, Igor let his friends following them and showed them here and there that they were under surveillance, just like they did to Benjamin. There was no place they could go alone anymore! Igor was a real present of heaven for Benjamin and he had the fun of his lifetime by organizing everything. He told Benjamin that there is also the possibility to sell parts of their bodies, everything will be able to sell. Hearts, livers, eyes, kidneys, skins and even complete heads to shrink them! “What a world are we living in?”, asked Benjamin himself and had already the answer right there. “The world that your enemies and upcoming victims have created!“ Igor contacted some friends over in Russia and they let him know what’s in need and how much dollars he’ll get for the “parts”! It started to become a real good business and Igor acted like a movie star with butcher background.
Benjamin thought it might be a nice idea to present his victims their future and so he did! ”With love to the little girl I once met at the Black Cat, that went out with her boyfriend to take justice in her own hand. That’s what’s happening after you broke the rules!”
Benjamin knew it’s time to write down what’s the source of his adventures and the experiences he made from that day on, the 26th of July 2015. His enemies where in the good hands of Igor and that gave Benjamin time to look at his notices he did over the last 10 month. He knew how difficult it will be because ever since it was almost impossible to talk to anybody about it. His knowledge was questioning almost everything what’s written in our books and the belief system of humans turned out as the worst enemy of his knowledge. The force did really good work to make sure that believing became stronger than knowing. And that’s happened to a logical species that called itself the peak of evolution! But the moment reality and knowledge was not conform with their believes, that species went to war and proofed that they really don’t know what they do and lost all contact to its own source, the support of all life with its motor love.
Benjamin knew, and this was the only thing that let him move forward, “What’s been destroyed be human hands, can be rebuild by human hands!” His question was how to defend it against another destruction, when humans don’t wanna go with knowledge?!
Benjamin went trough its materials he collected the last ten month and it became clear what a mammoth work he has to do. It’s adventures were so complex, with so many layers, so many different influences and when he started to read his letters to Yasha again, he became closer to her than ever before. She was not only in his head, she was everything he defined as himself. He knew that from day one but throughout the many layers that started to infect his thoughts and feelings he once decided to stay beside and try to see the situation from different perspectives. But he could look at it from wherever he wanted, she always was in the center of himself. He couldn’t think about it any longer, there was no way to question it, nothing that could give him proof that it’s different and his experience, senses and feelings were wrong. And on top it was clear that everything he ever did in the arts was leading him, was a bridge to her and it’s new project only made sense since he met her by walking fully conscious over these bridges.
Igor left Benjamin a message to have a look at the movies he and his friends did from Benjamin’s victims but Benjamin wasn’t in the mood to watch these criminals, he was completely closed and only with himself. He fell into his loneliness that he loved so much and on the other hand hated like nothing else. He asked Igor to give him the weekend and prepare for Monday to get one of them who then just disappeared. That way all of them could be his first victim and all of them will have a weekend that they won’t forget until the trap closes behind themselves. Since Benjamin was a great cook himself, he asked Igor to prepare a dinner party for the first victim and organize a huge BBQ grill, hung up the phone and fell back into his loneliness.
Benjamin’s emotions drove roller coaster with him and he couldn’t sleep the whole night. All memories of the last months were present as if everything happens right now again. He was mad, happy, sad, fascinated, in love, full of anger, fond, brutal, yearningly, felt lost and all at the same time. It was like an emotional explosion that blew himself into flinders. He took the pieces and tried to put them together, organize himself, find peace or minimum silence, but the moment he was almost done everything exploded again. Yasha was all the time in him and tried like a medicine to desensitize him but to feel her, how she was completely filling his whole body made these explosions even stronger and gave him the feeling of a supernova.
Benjamin’s victims were desperate. There liquid shit, as he could see at the videos from Igor, came already out of all of their pores. They sweat like pics, tried to be cool and where talking about the heat. Benjamin was laughing. To see these vain suckers completely insecure made him feel like a god. He could see, and they knew, their lives were in Benjamin’s hand. No force around anymore that gave them the feeling to be untouchable. Nothing that gave them security and their laughters already sounded like pure desperation. Benjamin had them right where he wanted them. Standing in and smelling their own shit. What a picture! Super stars yesterday, desperate rats in a corner today. One could see how they tried to come through the concrete of the walls, cause that was they only way out. In front of them was Igor and their secure death, after a for day’s lasting torture. Each of them asked himself who will be the meal for Benjamin’s dinner party.
After its last supernova Benjamin was able to put himself together again and he started to function like a computer that is connect to both forces, the field, that we call God and life, which is our Mother Earth. From now on he could take place in the mind of all its victims and read their thoughts. He was in them when they discussed the case, screamed to each other that this game should have been ended months ago, but instead they stood in front of him, tried to scare him, by telling him that he’s lucky that he’s still alive. But Benjamin never feared death, he had nothing to loose, he already lived a life for which others need minimum fife lifetimes. He knew about all love and all pain that a human being can experience. He already laughed every laughter and lost every tear humanity ever cultivated. Benjamin was prepared for the war his enemies and now victims started, and it was himself, as he told them from the beginning, that will chose how long it goes and whatever way he went. They were dozens against one, monitored him since years, and still knew nothing about him, what he also told them all the time. “You know nothing about me and you have nothing to deliver, your knowledge are quotes from others, your love kitschy pics, and your truth a lie. You have nothing that would stop me to find out who you are and what you did! It’s my life, my space and my rules. You can break them, you can lie, you can betrayal, you can steal from me, you can poison my food, you can threaten my friends to death, but you will become my victims!” And it came exactly as Benjamin said, because the truth is way stronger, it can’t get lost in a 3D world and will always find a way to show up.
After Benjamin’s enemies read his last post, their desperation went up to the peak and somehow it felt like a light goes on after they where running through the darkest dark. Some of them thought about contacting Benjamin, saying it was just a game, that they are sorry and it wasn’t meant bad, but they forgot about that thought the moment they had it. They were involved in to many crimes and since Jim’s death each of them was guilty for murder. Their situation was hopeless and there was nothing that could help them out. There was only Benjamin, and him having mercy with them. That could be the light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train! And yes, Benjamin felt mercy, he thought about a way out for each of them, but none he could think about would teach them their lessons that they had to learn. They stole, the betrayed, they monitored Benjamin’s privacy, they murdered! What way out, for even one of them, could Benjamin think about? And there was also Igor! He spent already a lot of money and only a finished work get payed. He had already buyers for the movies, in which he’s gonna be featured as the tender butcher and some of his buyers gave him already money for the equipment he bought. It looked hopeless for Benjamin’s victims. The trap started to close and some of them started to cry like little babies. It was heartbreaking and there was only a spoon of cake that Benjamin could give them!
Benjamin surrounded his victims like a wolf a herd of sheep and they truly sounded like them. Each one tried to stay in the middle, acted like itself was only by accident part of that herd, during the wolf was baring his teeth. He had time now and enjoyed their bleating that sounded like uneducated singers are trying to sing Mozart’s requiem. It was horrible for the ears of the wolf, who listened to that requiem since weeks from one of the best interprets one can listen to and he decided to run away since he knew that they won’t come out of that trap they were falling into. Benjamin took its headphones, looked for some love songs in his play lists and went out of the house to see some art.
Benjamin felt his other half of him all day long inside himself and he wanted to make sure that she knows that he loved her and that this love never wanted anything in return. She was him as he was her and all he gave was like he gave it to himself. They both grew in these month to an enormous power and deepest understanding of life and love. “That’s for you, my life and love!”
Benjamin had a great time in NY and LA started to looked like a provincial village compare to it. The art in this town was overwhelming, the galleries like palaces and the only thing he couldn’t find yet was a place to dance. So he went back in time to Sven Väth and his beloved techno and it seemed to become a great dance night, but as always, there were some untalented DJ’s before the real gig and Benjamin used the time to write on his diary, listened to the real techno on his headphones and enjoyed the time completely happy and relaxed. Yes there was some irritation around him cause who the heck goes to a techno club and has his own headphones on. But what should he do? The music the club and DJ delivered was just ridiculous and sounded more like the sheep herd he left as the wolf. The photographer that was running around and was hired to present the club as the “you have to go place” was shocked when he saw Benjamin. He still took a picture but I’m pretty sure we will never see that at the social media of that club. So Benjamin did it by himself and asked a foreigner to wear his headphones for that picture.
Finally Benjamin had a great dancing time at the club, left the dance floor after 3 hours in trance, went on his way home, stopped at the store for some water and fell, after he reached his apartment, exhausted in his bed, slept in to dream about the hunt he started, which went to his complete satisfaction. Igor left him a message at the club that one of his new clients was so fascinated by the whole thing and the first films Igor and his friends did, that he would love to expand the surveillance and see more of the absurd actions a victim does, when it knows that it is the upcoming featured star in a sniff movie. Benjamin was surprised by the enjoyment foreign people have on the desperation of Benjamin’s babes in the woods, but he also liked the idea and let Igor know about. He wrote him that it would be nice to create some accidentally events around the gopher, that they can interpret in different ways and so everything that happens to the hunted rats will become questionable until the day they’ll face their new reality.
Benjamin’s culprit victims where now stupid enough to attack his computer again to find out what’s going on and sent him a contaminated e-mail, coming from a gallery in Pomona CA, the little village where everything started eleven years ago, where he had a studio to built his first models for the now upcoming project, where he saved a little girl from her rapist, that became the leader of Benjamin’s enemies and where the suckers run some of their businesses. It was wonderful how offensive they showed their own stupidity. But Benjamin was prepared now. He’s running 3 different computers and 3 different cellphones and none of them are connected to each other. Their desperation is really at the peak and it comes again like Benjamin said. Every action will make their situation worse and it looked like the sheep are going by themselves to the “tender butcher”, how Benjamin called his friend Igor. “Welcome to the slaughterhouse!”
Benjamin was wondering which of the characteristics of his victims was the most established one. Was it their stupidity, their vanity, their complacency, their criminal energy, the feeling that they are untouchable because they were multi millionaires or their arrogance, and he came to the logical conclusion that it is the summery of all, their infantility which was still playing wars with tin solders. They were stocked in the swamp to become an adult. Benjamin told them all these month who he is, he played with open cards, was a fair fighter and he told them what’s the reality of that situation they were into together. There might have been darkness at the beginning and still some dark spots left, but all together was everything that Benjamin said right. He detected them all, found out about their true reasons and now became the hunter of the hunters. I mean we are talking here about real powerful people, that took place on the peak of our society and they came there because they were shitting on the rules of this society. Benjamin remembered the day when he was sitting with his assistant in a coffee shop in LA and all of a sudden came one of the producers of “Homeland” to his table, told him that he’s producing a movie which was exactly the story of Benjamin and Yasha and that he heard about Benjamin and was looking for an actor for the main character! Benjamin was very friendly acted like that story was new for him, gave him his business card and let him know that he can deliver him everything that is in need because he’s one of the best actors, worked with the best of the best and the last critic he became in LA Weekly for Kafka’s Monkey talked about a “Tour de force performance”! Well you’re better be careful when you deal with that Monkey!
Benjamin’s sheep herd was under control, that was the good part. Igor did great work and the whole gang had the fun of their lifetime. To have the high respected criminal peak of our society in their hands gave them an extraordinary satisfaction. Benjamin on the other hand was desperate. The suckers were not the problem because he knew most of them didn’t know what they do. That was clear since day one and stole Benjamin that day everything that he thought is true. For three days he was in free fall until he finally was hitting the ground. That he didn’t went crazy right there was only possible because he already lost once his history. Half of his life turned out as a lie when he accidentally found the diaries of his mother and read them. After that first night with Yusha was clear that the complete documented history of mankind was wrong! But how you gonna communicate that truth? Even when you have proof in science for everything you say?! To accept that there is a force in mankind working that doesn’t belong to this planet and that it uses mankind like little power plants was such a destroying fact that nobody wanted to go there. Even the scientists his was talking to rather were talking about God than looking at the proofed facts. This force that is acting in and playing with mankind is so strong and ingenious but on the other hand it’s itself in a desperate situation. Throughout the expansion of the universe things changed enormously for that force we still call God and which is the ultimate enemy of mankind. How to tell the believers that their God is the source of, and responsible for the wars and following desperation we experience since he showed up on earth. And that this God needed us and we never him! God wasn’t dead like Nietzsche said, no that force was alive and made sure that we kill each other and there was proof all over the place in hour history books and the present science. When we talk about love, we need to talk about Mother Earth. This God has no feelings and no mercy and as we can see are many of us build right in its face and able to destroy the whole planet. Without mercy, just like that God!
Benjamin couldn’t sleep, he thought about Yusha, went through his diary to find some loving words for her and wished she’ll find them! “Like Siddhartha once I sit in a orange grove, surrounded by the smell of birth. In beggars cloth my eyes are burning through the dark, searching for the spring of love. Never was I closer to you and never more lost in the flaming layers that my eyes cuts out of darkest night. Silent they fall down on me, burning through my skin, transform my flesh in levitating ashes, raining down to be the fertilizer for the orange grove. And when you then walk through the grove I smile to you out of all the fruits, tempting you to bite into.”
The sold soul – a poem for Benjamin’s love
Once upon a night, I’ve heard the scream of a lonesome girl.
She cried so laud because she sold her soul to the enemies we others call gods.
She could gain contact to every information and so she give it a whirl.
Soon she was most advanced in her profession and nobody saw her frauds.
She was able to update her computer, we others call brain.
The price she payed was the loss to ever feel and fall in love,
be a farmhand in high heels, hold by her master on shortest chain,
that let her do the dirty work he couldn’d cause he’s living hight above.
As time went by she had success that could hardly be increased.
Everybody wanted to stay by her side and glow, even the queen.
Her managers, when she ring, all come and listens to the beast,
the nightmare that looks like a daydream with a heart as big as a bean.
When she comes home late at night from banquets or a social event,
there’s waiting a Callboy and she takes comfort from him as humans now do.
By day she cannot bear to see him, knowing this will be futures present,
searching an emotion that makes her swing and feeling doobedoobedooo.
When I heard her scream, which reminded me on my own youth,
I went over to her and let her gliding on the wings of tender love,
made her feeling my touch 2“ above her skin, the wonderful truth.
First time in life she lost control and became again a flying dove.
Her master next day saw the change in her face and behavior
He wanted to know whats going on and referred to the contract
She said she had a dream that felt real so it can’t be a misbehavior
By seeing the doubt in the masters eyes she described it as a rape act.
He immediately started the hunt on this guy that made her feel love
The guy that was able to break her chain and made her fly free
That come through the imprecation from behind the mirrors high above
The feared door opener to their bloodsucking world, we still call heaven.
But since these divine leeches are only energy that’s created by matter
They always need some traitors that live toasty and hailed between us
The guys that bring us war, explaining that it’s necessary and let blood splatter
The source that let us stay in pain and send the „Hirudineans“ this energy, our pus.
The hunt on me and everything that acts with and in love is still going on
its documented in human history and became our so called fate
Veiled in myths around the world, so its time for operation dawn!
And to the girl I say: love don’t know about guilt, so there’s no hate.
„Free yourself, its your believe and thoughts that makes them strong!“
It was Benjamin’s poetic day and he searched for all the poems he once wrote for his love. He wanted to make sure that there’s a chance for her to read them again and to remember her that he’s still the one she met that night.
…you’ve sent a massage out to space
knowing that it will find its destination
it showed up on my small interface
and gave my brain a new rotation
when I’ve heard your magic sound
that day it closed my open wound
like something that belongs to me
the missing part the makes us divine
that enlarges a lake into a sea
strong enough for battleground nine
it was true, my understandings right
there’s a force in us like dynamite
at darkest night, bright like the shining sun
you enlightened me the path to your nest
standing in the door, framed like your loved one
you asked me to come closer and feel blessed
dazed I walked over to your bed, took your hand
and by doing that we opened the door to wonderland
all senses reached their highest state
two spirits merged slowly into one
inherently did we open heaven’s gate
and the incredible journey had begun
LOVE – The forbidden rotation of the hip
Now, that we say we’re here again.
Now, that we can’t see each other.
Now, we’re in danger to push red buttons!
Now, we both shouldn’t turn the hip.
Now, it’s time to look through the others eyes.
Now, what can we see?
Now, I see you waiting, but I don’t know where.
Now, You see me waiting, but I don’t know where.
Now, I don’t know where to go.
Now, You can’t go in my direction.
Now, look again through the others eyes.
Now, I see and find no words.
Now, You see and are to proud.
Now, we both come again in danger!
Now, that we are looking through each others eyes!
Now, we can forget of hidden truth.
Now, we can show each other all the truth.
Now, we know that LOVE is ours!
Now, its forbidden to rote the hips!
Now, is the time to lose all doubt!
Now, you need to let me know.
Now, I make sure to let you know.
Now, we can share all we have and are.
Now, we can start to change the world!
Now, there’s no rotation of the hip!
Now, we can hold each other and become infinite!
root and source
of every dance
I ever danced
liberator of a hidden senses
emancipator of the force
united in love
we traveled space
back in time
composing on female body
watering his plants
breathtaking your birth
the light field
in and out
experiences not known before
we felt invulnerable
free as mind can be
no limits anymore
the rhythm of love
OH MY LOVE
So he pleased her again:
Go into the woods
Listen to the waterfalls
The birds that sung with me
The melody of love
Touch the trees
My voice is still there
See my roots and my perspective
Stay on my life’s foundation
And please question now my love
All I’ve said and everything I ever did
And when your Mozart today resounds
And my love is true
And never was a game
This love will be part of your sound
It will change your tone
Fulfill the composers intend
To embrace the whole world in bliss & love
Just give it a twirl like you always did
I would love to listen to it
From the other side of the world
The nightingale just sang again
Her magic tone in holy songs
Suns are not as bright as her
And rivers not as wild….
Igor interrupted Benjamin’s poetic day with its reality and let him know about the new movies he made. He’s setting them up now on new sites every other day and after Benjamin saw them and left his comments they get deleted. He wasn’t in the mood today to think about the suckers and just left a “Looks great Igor, love your costumes! Tomorrow more.”
….oh nightingale how can I answer
The trombones I’m blowing are to loud
Their magic will destroy
Darkest clouds I’ll let arise
To let all shadows disappear
It was a difficult time for Benjamin. He was full of love and creation and on the other hand there were his enemies, that were now his victims, he had to care off and fulfill their fate. Igor’s filming was just hilarious and had almost all aspects of the absurd theatre that Benjamin loved so much. Some of his victims acted like the old couple in the chairs by Ionesco, blaming each other for the failure they are into, other were a reincarnation of Beckett’s Endgame, and some looked like K in Kafka’s castle and we’re just lost, but the peak of absurdity was created by the two elephants of the Glasshouse, that looked like the two exhibitionists in front of the girls hight school from Marc Antonio de la Parra. All of them started to be what they really are. Nothing hidden anymore. Benjamin didn’t know if he shall laugh or cry! These guys and girls were just ridiculous in all their existence. Nothing left that reminded him on a human being as it could be. Just bad copies of mind loosing monkeys. All of them tried to hide that reality but Benjamin could see it, like always. He was able to look through somebody and detected everything that wasn’t true. Desperate creatures and the vomit in front of them!
The nights of Benjamin wouldn’t end and give him some rest. Thousands of pages that he collected the last months needed to be reviewed and give the unthinkable words that were understandable.
Oh Mozart Magician of love Who went through the doors To the space of illusions
Mage of sound
You created the path
I walked to unite
Mage of life
Raped by our gods
Your force is infinite
Home of love
We are your defenders
Your liberators of pain
Existing through time
This is the moment
For divine entanglement
There was it again, she started to show up in every other woman, just like months ago when she first time told him that it would be like that. “I’m in every woman don’t search for me!” Benjamin didn’t know how to handle that fact. It just didn’t made sense for him and on the other hand everything he experienced made only then any sense. Fortunately he needed to take care about some other things, went out of the house, drove over to New Jersey to see a theatre where he wanted to produce. But right there the same. She was everywhere, spoke out of all the woman he met this evening and all were as beautiful as she was for him. Permanently there was a moment that was clearly her. He could turn it back and forth, up and down or left and right, it made only sense when she is what he always experienced; his singer to which he’s dancing to. The question was, why did she not show up when he met her and talked to her. What did she hide and why? It was still a mystery for him. Her actions were based on fear in his eyes. There was no reason for him to hide, because unite they were stronger then anything he ever experienced before. Not even that source we call God could stop them. And that source needed Benjamin way more than anything else. He was the guy that had a solution for its problem. So why should he see any longer an enemy in him. Benjamin had a clear understanding of the problem this force was into and during his contacts to the force, he also had clear arguments that the idea of the force to change its state from 2 to 3 dimensions was false. As it has expanded in 2 dimensions infinite at the beginning of its own existence throughout consciousness, it would do the same when it changes its state into 3 dimensions, with the consequences that all energy of our universe would be spent at that moment. The result would be an implosion, a Big Bang in the other direction. The destruction of everything. The ultimate black hole.
Chapter LV – The stolen dance
Igor was really the best, his actions so subtitle, the costumes they were wearing during the filming better than anything Benjamin himself could think about and the victims acted already clownish as if they try to win win the red nose for the biggest idiot. They really outstripped themselves and the whole gang was partying their success. Once could see that the force already left them and each of them was on its way down to hell were they belong too. Everybody was an enemy now. Too many people knew the story they were into and everybody could be the one that set the knife on their neck. And each of them, that was pretty sure would have loved to do it, because none of the people that were around had a minimum of respect for the suckers and couldn’t wait to see them fall. The color of their skin had already changed, their eyes were lost, their movement insecure and all of them ready for the “tender butcher”. One of Igor’s clients planed a movie night at his castle in Beverly Hills and planed to book one of the victims as the special act of the night witch found Benjamin’s full support. “Let them dance the dance they stole from me!”
It became daily clearer, there was no way to talk to anybody except the people that had close death experiences. They were the only ones that weren’t surprised about Benjamin’s equations. But they never talked about it, were hiding themselves to not end up in a madhouse. How to talk to a society about the truth, when this society is living a lie?! Benjamin felt like in Platon’s cave and everybody asked him to come back in that cave. The shadows were the reality since thousands of years and the idea that somebody caused the shadows became unthinkable. It didn’t help that he had proof out of our own laboratories for which we spent billions of dollars.
Benjamin was happy that it was the right discussion to close up against all influences that tried to force him in any direction. It was for a long time not clear who’s behind these forces and which interests they have. His enemies, that was clear, were part of that destructive force that gave them knowledge enough to take advantage of everything and -body they came in contact to. But the worst once were the once that, at the same time, talked about love, the concept of life and earth, to which these guys only brought pain and desperation. To Benjamin they looked like complete faked existences and Igor wanted to present one of these faked existence now its fate. He was ready to go and couldn’t wait to get the okay to do it. They choose one of the girls in Los Angeles, monitored her since 3 weeks and she seemed to be the right start since the costumer of Igor lived close and wanted to see it live. Benjamin didn’t care anymore, although he sometimes thought to have mercy with his enemies. But they where aggressive enough to go forward with their criminal actions, as Igor discovered. Benjamin gave him its okay but asked Igor not to kill her. It should be enough when she faces the tender butcher’s torture that Igor and his friends had to offer and which will give her the chance to regret her vanity. Benjamin couldn’t feel anything when he thought about her. He just remembered her proud face when she was talking about taking justice in her own hands. Her situation will be just her echo in Latin.
Benjamin was tired of his victims. All of them were just ridiculous and actually not worth the time Benjamin spent to be their echo in Latin. He was full of new ideas and explored NY like a tiger his new territory, rested at the best places and met wonderful people. After years, the lonesome time of searching seemed to find an end and he could connect again to the world. Yasha was out of town and again as close as the first months. She asked him to have mercy with his victims; that most of them didn’t even knew what they did and that all of them got betrayed by the “Elephants of the Glasshouse”! Benjamin knew that, he often spoke about it, but the day Benjamin detected the Elephants everything just went out of control. Everybody that was involved in the hunt, all of a sudden realized what they did. None of them ever had the balls to come to Benjamin and apologized, and after Jim’s death it was just to late. The game destroyed a life. “What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say?” That’s what everyone asked oneself. And there was no answer to find. Benjamin on the other hand knew now how to use the force he gained, he knew about the power of his thoughts and started to make a fine selection of the ones that still needed to take their responsibilities. And for Benjamin that only could mean that they lose everything they have. Step by step slowly down the hill, so that they wished to have a sledge to speed up their way down to the end and have one last time fun.
Benjamin knew that he needed to use the force that made his enemies strong and which left them at the moment where it was clear that they can’t stop Benjamin to finally hit the ground and get the puzzle together. But using the force meant at the same time to be part of it. It was for Benjamin like the riding on a knife edge and his senses were on highest wariness. He watched his enemies like an eagle from highest distance and waited for the moment to finally become the arrow that end their existence. But he wanted that they do it by themselves. They should see him flying above and looking for an escape. They should bring themselves slowly to the ultimate desperation where they just want to end it.
Des ei malam mentem,
quandius vita vixerit,
ut omni corpore videat se emori praeter oculos.
Neque se possit redimere
nulla pecunia nullaque re
neque abs te neque ab ullo deo
nisi ut exitum malum.
The „Elephant of the Glasshouse“ wanted to have Benjamin’s fruits. „Here you go, my dear enemy. Oh you forgot that you’re not one of us anymore?! Shit happens!“
Benjamin went on his way home, listen to some Uriah Heep, smoked a cigar and forgot everything around him. His face was without any movement the whole way back. Igor was following his instructions in every detail and made sure that the girl won’t remember anything nor even feel that there had something changed in her life, until the day she will have children. They left her a tiny platinum plate inside with her favorite word JUSTICE carved in it, that she shall find the day she’s wondering that she can’t get pregnant and went to a doctor to find out.
When Benjamin woke up and looked at his device, a tender smile went over his face, his eyes were glowing and a deep breath of satisfaction filled the room. All of his victims went in the traps he build the last weeks. In Berlin they were asking each other which of them could have been the one that Benjamin’s tender butcher and his angels got, and they came to the conclusion that none of them could have been the one. In LA, London, NY and some other small towns, they felt safe cause Igor and his angels can’t be there when he’s in Berlin. “Well all of you forgot that this is my game now, with my new rules based on your mendacity. And this social media platforms work now for me. Believe me, I had way better lying teachers in my childhood than you can even imagine and on top of it I’m the best actor you poor suckers ever met! I’m gonna playing with you cat and mouse and treat you like cats do. They play with their half dead victims for days, let them run away to catch them again, kick them back and forth until the last shit leaves their victims body. You won’t know anymore what’s right or wrong, nor will you know whom you can trust!” Benjamin was satisfied, Igor was impressed and the customer couldn’t wait for the next chicken to pluck, and none of them wouldn’t even perceive until day X.
“I will look through your eyes, be in your brain to tell you what to think and come to your dreams to destroy your hope! I’ll come over you like a wolf over a sheep herd and be your worst nightmare! You’ll execrate the day you’ve chosen to fight and steal from me and when I’m finished with all of you, I’ll give you a hand to survive as the poorest among us and you’ll be thankful that I do so!” Benjamin was in his element. The big gambler finally played his own game. During his victims were reading his posts, he already started the action and got two of them way before they even thought it could even happen. They were contacting him on Facebook, Twitter, Spotify and other platforms, tried to play their old game with him and didn’t see that they went in his traps. They were still prisoners of their vanity and as such blind on both eyes. From now on Benjamin could do with them whatever he wanted and Igor’s customers desired. But when did Igor got Benjamin’s victims and which of them? That should be Benjamin’s secret and none of them could know if he wasn’t already in Igor’s hand on which danced the whole world!
When Benjamin woke up he got a message from Igor that the next movie is finished, uploaded and ready to watch. He wasn’t in the mood to see his enemies in day time and decided to have a look later at night. He was traveling almost the whole last night and went into the dreams of some of his enemies to mess them up, leaded them to their wishes and destroyed them. He didn’t feel anything by doing that, had no satisfaction to see his enemies in their nightmares, left each of them after he was done and went to the next to do the same. He wasn’t surprised anymore how easy it was and used his gained abilities like they were always part of him. There was no limit, nothing that he couldn’t do with them, nothing that his enemies could defend. They were his victims now and since they were following him on his social media pages, they made it even worse for themselves. Some still tried to scare him with their hilarious posts and didn’t understand that he just mirrored them for that the arrows went straight into their own heart and brain which was open throughout their own action. Benjamin had full control over them, played with their stupidity and messed them up night by night!
Painting by Heinrich Fuseli
Benjamin needed two days to finally watch the movie Igor had uploaded for him and the first time he thought Yasha has right. Everything he hated about his enemies was now part of his own actions and he knew that most of his enemies didn’t even knew what they did. The “Elephants of the Glasshouse” knew what they did, that was clear. They took advantage of the force, but since it left them, they were just little helpless creatures, not even worth to care about them and Perry looked like the little rapist that he always was, lost like 11 years ago when Benjamin took the Mexican girl out off his dirty rapist hands. His big brother was so mad with him, that he brought him in this absurd situation, that will cost him everything he has, that he wished he could turn back the time and kick his brothers butt out off the office when he first showed up with the idea to steal Benjamin’s project, and just make everything not able to happen. Their stars, that stole from Benjamin whatever they could get, his Monkey dance for Coldline Blink and his love story for Antiti, were in the same situation and had a free fall in front of their vain eyes. Everybody around them knew already what they did and it was a question of time that the big media care about it and will start asking questions that nobody wanted to answer. Benjamin was laughing when he thought about that, “What am I gonna doooooo? What am I gonna sayyyyyy?!”, and he looked through their eyes into an infinite dark emptiness. Seven colors BLACK!
“Ich sehne mich nach dem Alleinsein, aber bin ich allein, bin ich der unglücklichste Mensch. Ich liebe das Alleinsein und hasse es zutiefst, weil es wie nichts sonst unglücklich macht, wie ich weiß.” These words of Thomas Bernhard, one of Benjamin’s favorite writers, described best how he felt as he walked through the hot, humid concrete jungle of NY, but sometimes, when he passed a place where he felt that Yasha was before, he all of a sudden forgot about that feeling. He saw her, taking pictures, saw and heard her playing the piano behind the window at Steinways, or how she just ordered an ice cream and nobody else was around; alone as himself. He saw her looking for him, saw her how she found his eyes, light years away from herself and at the same time in the middle of her beautiful head. He could see himself through her dark shining eyes, and felt her looking, through his eyes, at her hands that were trying to reach and touch his skin to play the piano concerto that they once saw Mozart playing on the body of his wife.
“Das Alleinsein!” felt by a social being. Benjamin suspected that this feeling will be the one, that describe our common speech the best. We’re alone. Each of us. This will be the open door for unanswered questions. The door, behind which we enter a room, a feeling, which we all know about, “The loneliness”! And right there Benjamin can reach all of us.
Benjamin stood in this empty space, we all know about and can’t understand how this can happen to a social being, when Igor took him out there to show him the new stage for their next victim. It looked like the antechamber to heaven, but for Benjamin’s enemies it will be hell. It was clear that from this point on the nightmares that Benjamin created will become a horrible reality and none of his enemies will be able to escape. Igor was already in bloodlust and Benjamin won’t be able to stop him. The whole gang was in a delirium, wearing wildest masks and costumes, and were ready to get the real shit done. The chamber was the setup for one of the stars and clearly one of Benjamin’s best set-designs ever. It had the quality of heaven and hell on 100 sq ft, a real ANTI place and Benjamin was surprised about his class of destruction. The devil himself wouldn’t have made it better and Benjamin’s enemy will meet there that devil she was dealing with, to fight, betrayal and steal from Benjamin. This room she cloud only leave as a living dead. Her request concert.
niger guttae sanguinis
currit per vices cerebri
et invenit ad vos
in infinitum in spem
per vos in corde
Benjamin felt it was time to leave his enemies alone with Igor and their fate. There was no place or time he could spent on them any longer and he didn’t even wanted to see any of the upcoming movies of them, where they will go to the hell they chose years ago for their short advantage. Until then they have to deal with the nightmares that Benjamin placed in their brains and they will welcome the day Igor gives it an end. Benjamin pleased Igor to destroy everything that could become an evidence of their connection and gave him free hand to make his tender butcher business based on Benjamin’s treatments, that always compared to the crime, that each of his enemies did. The only chance, that Benjamin gave them to escape, was to give away everything they gained with their crimes and live their life in poverty. Benjamin himself needed to care about his project. He needed to care about the story he’ll tell that will finally change this world and reconnect humans to the infinite life. He needed to care about that story that we all will be willing to understand, because he’ll present it as a fairytale. The tale of our history, our knowledge and the possible future. All based on, how Benjamin called it, our common language and desire, which is to give and receive love, but without making a big deal out of it. And based on the understanding why we were disconnected from this love for life. The understanding that we really don’t know what we do and that their is is force that is responsible for it, that don’t belong to life and in the following never showed up with any mercy for that life. Just like us, that are built, how itself called it, in its own face.
The situation for Benjamin didn’t became easier over the months and he always thought about the words Yasha once wrote him: “Now where you know, what you gonna do? Be careful, people called others with way less knowledge already crazy. They don’t go with knowledge, they are believers and are only listening to the ones that corroborate their beliefs. And I can’t support you because I would loose everything! I know you can be able to go through all what’s coming. People will leave you! You won’t know anymore whom you can trust and you’ll be more separated then ever before. They’ll ask you to come back, like the guy in Platon’s allegory of the cave and that you accept the shadows again as the reality!” Benjamin needed to laugh when he thought about it. Yasha was right and actually it was way worse than she described it. It didn’t matter that he found proof in science and history for their experience. And the fact, that parallel to that experience Benjamin got hunted and shot by his enemies, gave everything an unrealistic touch. “Guernica!”, he thought, “Guernica!” and knew who’s responsible for that! Image: Pablo Picasso „Guernica”
Benjamin knew, he needed to explode again and put himself new together. Strong enough to withstand the doubt that the force, others call God, permanently tried to seed in his mind and clear enough to recognize the force of life, that was at the same time influencing him. He went out to Central Park, set himself down at the little creek that crosses the park, surrounded by trees, some animals that run through the copse, closed his eyes and listened to the water that silently laughed to prepare him for his explosion. He felt how his body became slowly part of that laughter, how his blood started to swing on the same wave length as the little creek, how they became one and everything in him went in place, ready to explode. Suddenly all his senses, except his seventh, switched off, his whole body got compressed to a tiny point, surrounded by an empty space that had exactly the form of himself and that was waiting to got refilled. Like in slow motion, that tiny point exploded, filled that empty space anew and when Benjamin opened his eyes, the full moon, that was bright shining before, was now dark, like at a lunar eclipse. The creek started to play Mozart’s Jeunehomme and Yasha smiled through Benjamin’s eyes.
Benjamin was already in his bed and surfed a bit through social media, when he got a message to activate his other device because Igor needed immediately to talk to him. “What the heck” thought Benjamin took his close on, activated his devise and went out of the house where 40-50 people were watching a basketball game and hold the whole neighborhood awake. He just crossed the street when his phone vibrated and Igor called him. He opened it, hold it on his ear and Igor was laughing on the other end. “What’s going on Igor? I’ve told you not to contact me!” “Listen, Benjamin, one of your victims has shit in its pants and came to our car when we where standing in front of its house, with a letter in its hand and pleased me to take it. I opened the window took it and the victim went back in its house.” “So what” asked Benjamin, “what’s written in this letter?” “Well” and Igor started again to laugh, “it’s just as you said. There will be one, that has more fear of us than of ‘the glasshouse elephants’. It’s a list of everyone that is involved in the crimes against you. Names, phone numbers, used avatars on Facebook, Spotify and Twitter!” Igor was still laughing during his talk and Benjamin was speechless. “A complete list?” asked he and Igor screamed “Yes, just like you said!” Silence on both ends of the phones and then Benjamin started to laugh his cynical laughing and a hundred thoughts were shooting through his head. “A complete list! I knew that one will shit in its pants!” “So what we gonna do?” asked Igor. “Well I need to see the list first! Don’t email it, I want to have the original and make sure that we don’t destroy the fingerprints.
Did you wear gloves?” “Yes sure!” said Igor “I always wear gloves when I’m working! You know that!” “Great, you’re the best! Can you come to NY?” “Sure, I’m actually already very close cause I knew you will see me!” and Igor started to laugh again. “We can meet any time you like!” “Oh Igor what would I’ve done without you?! You’re just great. Let me think about and I leave you a text, when and where.” Both laughed now and the moment Benjamin hung up, a firework started direct in front of him on the street!
When Benjamin left the house at noon he left all his devises back home, went to the underground station, drove in direction Uptown, got off the train into a Park where he met with Igor. They hugged each other and Igor showed Benjamin the letter he got from one of Benjamin’s victims over in California and a chip with pictures of that letter. When he saw the list Benjamin went silent, looked at Igor that was silent to, closed his eyes and when he opened them again everything looked different. There was nothing more to say and Benjamin knew that it’s better to stay silent. He pleased Igor to store the list in a safe-deposit box, to give him some time to think about the new situation and meet again later today. They hugged each other again and Benjamin walked home, his head full of thoughts but with a motionless face.
Benjamin met with Igor at midnight in Central Park to discuss the next steps and for Benjamin it was clear that he stop his online actions until Igor’s work is done. Everything was on the table now and there was no need for Benjamin to drive the sheep herd forward anymore. One of them just didn’t want to get caught by Igor and so the whole herd got trapped. They agreed that Igor fulfill Benjamin’s scripts as written and make sure that their worthless life becomes as miserable as they deserved it. His victims immediately tried to find out what Benjamin know, but he treated their avatars just like always with the little difference that he needed to hold his nose closed because their shit reeked around the world.
“This is the last chapter of book one. The second will be written with your support my dear enemies and when we’re done I’ll gonna publish it with your friendly authorization! I wish you all a lot of deep feelings with Igor and that you’ll enjoy his tender butcher hands! The door to your private hell is open now. I wish you a splendid time. And no worries, you’ll be happy when it’s over. BTW you can private message me if you rather don’t want to get pet by Igor and I’ll see what I can do for you, because I have mercy with all of you! For Igor it’s just a business!”
Link to Book II in the menu